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Mother of TV Shows Game of Thrones comes to an end
A recap of Game of Thrones for the 290 million Americans who didn’t watch the eight season series on HBO, putting into modernday context so the rest of the world might understand what’s going on. A spoiler summary for those who haven’t watched it. But it’s not really a spoiler because it is so complicated, you will thank me later
By Ray Hanania
Sometime tonight after going to sleep, people are going to wake up from a nightmare, sweating, maybe screaming but certainly with real trepidation, asking the question “What now?”
Yes, HBO’s powerhouse series, Game of Thones, which has run nine years (8 seasons with time between the last two spanning 18 months) ends tonight.
For the first four seasons, it was just another show but this thing called “binge watching” which became an American tradition a few years back suddenly pushed it to the top of popularity.
Game of Thrones (GOT) is based on a simple premise. It’s about a few privileged families, the wealthy, or the one percent who own everything in the world. Money. Castles. Nice clothes. Toilets. And Dragons. They pretty much can do whatever they want because they have the money. They are the spoiled bunch and they dominate everything in the series, which is only 10 episodes a season, except for this last one which is only six long episodes that seem a bit rushed. They can buy anything they want and sometimes they just take it.
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These Game of Thrones One Percenters (GOTOP) can easily buy themselves into office, kind of like J.B. Pritzker becoming Illinois Governor after spending nearly $200 million on the 2018 election.
Others just will themselves into office because it runs in their bloodline, like Richard M. Daley, the former Chicago Mayor who held office 22 years, one year longer than his father Richard J. Daley.
Still others are pushed out because of jealousey and selfish greed — the rich steal as much for each other as they do from the regular people, like Jane M. Byrne. She was a regular person who won office and everyone got jealous. How could a commoner, ok, one that ranked in the Kings’ Palace, suddenly become the King, err, Queen?
And then, there are the Righteous, or the ones many of the commoners love like Chicago Mayor Harold Washington who sleighed the dragon and promised the people that he would be a “Just King” treating everyone fairly, although putting a little more emphasis on his own kind while in office. They don’t last long.
You can apply Game of Thrones to almost every one of life’s scenarios especially in politics. You can match characters at the national level, too.
Bill Clinton, the Robert Baratheon of American politics. All he wanted to do was to enjoy being king and sleep with every fair maiden who worked in his realm. And he did. Of course, he also liked wealth and giving his family privilege. Baratheon, and Clinton, are the symbols of that old saying, “Pigs Get Fat, Hogs Get Slaughtered.”
George W. Bush was the spoiled, incompetent King Joffrey Lannister Baratheon who starts wars because he just can’t get past his own petty vengeances. Killing others is also a defensive mechnisim. No one is sure of who his real father was because they were so different.
Barak Obama was the great hope, just trying to be fair like Eddard Stark. He is a good man who just couldn’t get his good nature to work with the world around him. He gets unfairly trashed, in the case of GOT, beheaded. But in real life, Obama leaves office whole with everyone whistfully sighing in their sleep “Why do we have to have elections? Couldn’t we make Obama the King?” Or the modern tongue, today’s terms, “President for Life?” Why bother with elections or Term Limits? When we get a good one, a relative term, we just keep him forever. Sigh!
Of course, he can’t get his Obama Library built without a lot of complaining and fuss. Kings don’t have to deal with that kind of annoyance.
And then of course, there is Donald Trump, the more portly version of Euron Greyjoy, an insufferable egomaniac who can’t get enough of himself. Honestly, if the producers of Game of Thrones had Euron Greyjoy just one time say, “My fleet of ships is Huge! HUGE!” I probably would have gone nuts.
Oh, you are asking who would be Ramzi Bolton, the despicably cruel and one of television’s worst villains? My nomination, Dick Cheney. Cheney was the anti-Christ, but that is really unfair to the anti-Christ!
Here’s basically the Game of Thrones story for those who still don’t know what’s going on, or have never watched it.
Aerys II Targaryen, a King with dragons from a family that preserves its realm through pure incest, goes nuts and starts killing everyone. He’s killed. A fat slob, Robert Baratheon, takes his place and his wife, Cersei Lannister Baratheon, has babies through incest with her twin brother, Jaime Lannister, who killed the dragon king. When Robert Baratheon dies, somehow getting injured while hunting other hogs — poetic justice I guess, he is succeeded by his eldest son who really isn’t his son at all, Joffrey Lannister Baratheon. Robert’s best friend is his chief adviser, Eddard Stark, the wise who has a lot of kids. Lots of kids. When Robert dies, he gets his head cut off and the Lannisters and the Starks become rivals. The Lannisters pretty much kill most of the Starks off, but the Starks manage to kill off most of the Lannisters, in fact seemingly all by the end of eight seasons.
Enter a ravaging beauty, the daughter of Aerys II Targaryen, Daenerys, who is traded off for sex by her brother. He ends up dying when Daenerys’ heathen Dothraki husband pours hot melted gold on his head, symbolically crowning him the new King of the Seven Kingdoms.. Add some witchcraft and sorcery and Daenerys suddenly becomes (through four seasons) the Dragon Queen, or the Mother of Dragons. She organizes a new army and with the remnants of the Starks, including Jon Snow, who it turns out isn’t really a Stark but is actually Daenerys’ nephew — they have sex by the way — and they destroy Cersei and the Lannisters and pretty much everyone in King’s Landing, the primary hub of power.
Oh, and they managed to blow off a million Zombies (called Wight Walkers) and the Night King zombie who leads them.
If it’s any consolation, Euron Greyjoy is left on a beach presumably to die after an internal squabble with Jamie Lannister (Robert Mueller) over his having sex with Cersie Lannister, and he blurts out a typical Trump braggadocio! “I killed the King Slayer,” Jaime Lannister’s nickname.
There are many, many other characters but I think this touches on the most important.
I know it’s too confusing. But what really kept it all going for nearly half of the 32 million people who watched the series, was the sex. Lots of it. The one thing the rich and poor seemed to share was the desire for sex and actresses who didn’t mind being on the bigscreen naked in all their glory. Daenerys is the real hottie in this series.
There you go. You are up to speed for tonight’s series finale.
What will happen to Daenerys and her only surviving Dragon — dragons are very cool? Will she marry her nephew, Jon Snow (Targaryen) and reign happily ever after? Or will her nephew driven by his siblings who turn out not to be his siblings at all, the Starks (Arya, Bran and Sansa), kill Daenerys and her dragon? (Click here to get a complete list of everyone.)
And what about Yara Greyjoy of the Iron Islands, the Ironborn, too? She was one hot Lesbian who just vanished with her fleet or Ironborn. (What, you don’t think the LGBT community can play Kings, or Queens, too?)
Who cares. The ending is meaningless, folks. It was the ride that was so much fun.
(Ray Hanania is an award winning former Chicago City Hall columnist. He is the Special Correspondent covering the U.S. for the Arab News newspaper in Dubai and Riyadh. Check out his columns and podcasts at his personal website, www.Hanania.com, or email your thoughts to email@example.com.)
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