North Korean Threats Will Go Unanswered

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North Korean Threats Will Go Unanswered
By Ray Hanania
Southwest News-Herald Friday April 5, 2013
I can just imagine the conversation that North Korea’s new dictator Kim Jong Un had recently with his military advisors.
They were contemplating their strategy on how to approach dropping nuclear bombs on the United States and American ally South Korea, both of which have been in a state of non-war with the communist northern region of the Korean peninsula since the armistice agreement signed on July 27, 1953. 

North Korea has always made outlandish, violent threats against the United States since the armistice deal was signed, first by Un’s father, the late maniac Kim Jong Il, who was truly ill, and now the equally belligerent son whose uniform hangs on his shoulders like a clown.

Un: “OK Generals. We want to threaten to attack the United States and American occupied South Korea. Should we call the Americans the Great Satan?”

Generals: “That’s good but the term has already been taken. Let’s come up with something new.”

Un: “OK. Let’s just threaten to drop nuclear weapons on America and on American occupied South Korea.”

Generals: “Yes, let’s threaten to kill as many Americans as we possibly can. A nuclear strike would really be threatening.”

Un: “We’ve tested the nukes and no one deserves to be nuked more than America, the evil empire, and its puppet the American occupied South Korean slime.”

Generals: “Yes Comrade Un. All hail the memory of your father, Kim Jong Il.”

Un: “Of course, if we threaten to drop nuclear weapons on America and American occupied South Korea, won’t the Americans carpet bomb our country? Send Seal Team 6 to take me out in a night raid? Invade us the way they attacked Iraq for no real reason except oil?”

Generals: “Well, you hit the nail on the head Dictator Un.”

Un: “Nails have heads?”

Generals: “No that’s just a corrupt American saying.”

Un: “Well?”

Generals: “Well, it’s simple. Americans won’t attack us precisely because we don’t have any oil. And Dick Cheney and Halliburton no longer run the American Military Industrial Complex.”

Un: “That sounds complex, all right. So we have nothing to worry about? The Americans are not going to invade us and call our bluff like they are threatening to do in Iran?”

Generals: “No. The Americans won’t call our bluff at all.”

Un: “Why?”

Generals: “Well, to prevent the Americans from attacking us as we threaten to nuke them and kill Americans, their soldiers and the American occupied South Korea, we just have to not say one thing?”

Un: “What’s that?”

Generals: “Just don’t say anything about attacking Israel. If you even hint at criticizing Israel, the Israelis have a headlock on the U.S. Congress and they’ll order an invasion in a heartbeat.”

Un: “Let me get this straight. As long as we don’t criticize Israel, we can threaten nuclear war against America and get away with it?”

Generals: “Precisely!”

Un: “Sounds like a plan to me.”

(Ray Hanania is an award winning columnist. You may reach him at and follow him on Twitter at @RayHanania.) — City & Suburban News-Herald

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Ray Hanania

Ray Hanania

Ray Hanania is an award winning political and humor columnist who analyzes American and Middle East politics, and life in general. He is an author of several books.

"I write about three topics, the Middle East, politics and life in general. I often take my life experiences and offer them in an entertaining way to readers, and I take on the toughest topics like the Israel-Palestine conflict and don't pull any punches about what I feel is fair. But, my priority is always about writing the good story."

Hanania covered Chicago Politics and Chicago City Hall from 1976 through 1992. Hanania began writing in 1975 when he published The Middle Eastern Voice newspaper in Chicago (1975-1977). He later published “The National Arab American Times” newspaper which was distributed through 12,500 Middle East food stores in 48 American States (2004-2007).

Hanania writes weekly columns on Middle East and American Arab issues for the Arab News in Saudi Arabia at, and at, and at He has also published weekly columns in the Jerusalem Post newspaper,, Newsday Newspaper in New York, the Orlando Sentinel Newspapers, and the Arlington Heights Daily Herald.

Palestinian, American Arab and Christian, Hanania’s parents originate from Jerusalem and Bethlehem.

Hanania is the recipient of four (4) Chicago Headline Club “Peter Lisagor Awards” for Column writing. In November 2006, he was named “Best Ethnic American Columnist” by the New American Media. In 2009, Hanania received the prestigious Sigma Delta Chi Award for Writing from the Society of Professional Journalists. He is the recipient of the MT Mehdi Courage in Journalism Award. He was honored for his writing skills with two (2) Chicago Stick-o-Type awards from the Chicago Newspaper Guild. In 1990, Hanania was nominated by the Chicago Sun-Times editors for a Pulitzer Prize for his four-part series on the Palestinian Intifada.

His writings have also been honored by two national Awards from ADC for his writing, and from the National Arab American Journalists Association.

The managing editor of Suburban Chicagoland Online News website, Hanania's columns also appear in the Southwest News Newspaper Group of 8 newspapers.

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Ray Hanania