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Gilligan didn’t have to deal with “the DMV for Boats”
By Ray Hanania
I always wanted captain a boat. I never lived near a lake, but I watched enough “Gilligan’s Island” and “Love Boat” as a kid to know it would be fun.
This year, I bought a place near a lake, and what’s a lake house without a boat?
You don’t have to be “a millionaire and his wife” to afford a boat. I found a reasonably priced pontoon boat, 16 feet long made especially for bass fishing. Sounds like it would be easy street after that.
But that’s when the bubble burst. Turns out owning a boat is more about bureaucracy than with sailing or fishing.
If you hate to go to the Secretary of State’s office for vehicle issues because of the bureaucracy, multiply that by 10 when you buy a boat. You have to register it, get it approved to float on a lake, and fill out a lot of forms. But the system just doesn’t seem to like boat owners at all.
I started out at the Secretary of State’s office in Belvidere to get a license for the trailer that the pontoon boat sits on. When I got there, I never made it past the “information desk.” The lady there, who was busy chatting and joking with other employees, blew me off saying, “We don’t handle boats. You need to go to the DNR.”
“But I need a new license plate,” I insisted.
“You need to go to the DNR. Next,” she insisted.
What the heck is the DNR?
After struggling through dozens of confusing government websites, I finally figured it out, “Department of Natural Resources.” But I also figured out she was wrong. I DID need a license plate for the trailer.
Instead of returning to the SOS office in Belvidere, I went to Rockford, and hour away.
Sure enough, a nice lady there named “Dorothy” looked at my documents and said yes, I did need a license for the trailer. She gave me the paperwork, explained what I needed to do and although it took hours and two more trips, I returned and the license plate.
Step 1 of 10, done.
On the wall there was a sign that cautioned, “If you plan to bribe an official, don’t.” It’s kind of like the sign at the Zoo that says, “Please don’t feed the animals.” It’s probably not a good sign to put on the wall, but I imagine a lot of people who don’t qualify want drivers licenses.
Boating has it’s own Rules of the Road and licensing procedures. It’s daunting. I took the online course, completing the six 90-minutes segments over a five day period.
I now know “port” is left and “starboard” is right. Most boats have two lights on the “Bow,” front, green is starboard and red is port. That way at night, you’ll know which way a boat is headed, and you won’t collide.
There’s a test after each section and a final exam. I got a 92 and a downloaded graduation “Certificate.”
Step 3: You have to pay the sales tax (6.25 percent) on the purchase before you can register the boat with the Department of Natural Resources. You can’t use the boat until it’s registered. If I send the tax in by mail, I would have to wait weeks for the receipt.
So I figured, I would drive to a DNR office. Turns out there are not that many. It’s either downtown Chicago or south of Aurora.
What happened to “One-Stop-Shopping” in government. But once office that does everything is not good for bureaucracies.
Registration costs $65, and there is a long form to fill out, after I ay the sales tax.
Then there is the inspection by the local police. Once that’s done, I can finally put the boat in water.
I’m hoping that will happen before Labor Day and the chill of the Fall. And for the near future, the Bass will be safe.
(Ray Hanania is an award winning former Chicago City Hall reporter and political columnist. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Connect with him on Facebook at Facebook.com/rghanania)
This post has already been read 269 times!
Hanania loves to write about American Arabs in politics, and focuses on Arab life in America.
Currently, he writes weekly columns on Middle East and American Arab issues for the Arab News in Saudi Arabia at www.ArabNews.com. He writes on American politics for the Des Plaines Valley News, Southwest News-Herald, The Regional News newspaper and the Reporter Newspapers. He also writes for the online websites TheArabDailyNews.com and NewsAmericaNetwork.com (Illinois News Network at IllinoisNewsNetwork.com).
Palestinian, American Arab and Christian, Hanania’s parents originate from Jerusalem and Bethlehem. Hanania began in journalism as an activist publishing Chicago’s first English-language American Arab Newspaper “The Middle Eastern Voice” from 1975 through 1977. In 1976, he was hired by the Chicago community newspaper The Southtown Economist (Daily Southtown) and in 1985 was hired by the Chicago Sun-Times and covered Chicago City Hall for both. In 1993, he launched the “The Villager” Newspapers which covered 12 Southwest Chicagoland suburban regions. In 2004, he published “The National Arab American Times” monthly newspaper which was distributed through 12,500 Middle East ethnic food stores in 48 American States.
Hanania is the recipient of four (4) Chicago Headline Club “Peter Lisagor Awards” for Column writing. In November 2006, he was named “Best Ethnic American Columnist” by the New American Media;In 2009, he received the prestigious Sigma Delta Chi Award for Writing from the Society of Professional Journalists. He is the recipient of the MT Mehdi Courage in Journalism Award. Hanania has also received two (2) Chicago Stick-o-Type awards from the Chicago Newspaper Guild, and in 1990 was nominated by the Chicago Sun-Times for a Pulitzer Prize for his four-part series on the Palestinian Intifada.
Hanania’s writings have been published in newspapers around the world. Formerly syndicated by Creators Syndicate, Hanania also has written news, features and Opinion Columns for Al Jazeera English, the Jerusalem Post, YNetNews.com, Arab News, Saudi Gazette, Newsday in New York, the Orlando Sentinel, the Houston Chronicle, The Daily Star, the News of the World, the Daily Yomimuri in Tokyo, Chicago Magazine, the Arlington Heights Daily Herald, and Aramco Magazine. His political columns are published in the Southwest News-Herald and Des Plaines Valley News, Regional News and Palos Reporter newspapers in Chicagoland. Hanania is the President/CEO of Urban Strategies Group media and public affairs consulting which has clients in Illinois, Florida, Michigan and Washington D.C.
Hanania is Palestinian Christian from prominent Bethlehem and Jerusalem families. His wife and son are Jewish and he performs standup comedy lampooning Arab-Jewish relations, advocating for peace based on non-violence, mutual recognition and Two-States.
His Facebook Page is Facebook.com/rghanania
Email him at: RGHanania@gmail.com
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